Forget The Haters

This week has been hard. Emotionally and physically. It’s just been exhausting. And I don’t know if it’s a momentary point in time or a season that’s about to wreak havoc.

Life. Being an adult. Sometimes, it’s for the birds, no?

Some of you know that I had my own business, MaineDrama Productions. Just this year I announced that I am shutting it down and focusing on Tramaine…the writer, the producer. And, while I try to brand myself in this world it feels like starting over. Sometimes it feels like failure. You’re so passionate about a thing and you work your ass off to show other people that you are actually good at the thing in which you are passionate. But, not everyone can see your vision, your talent, your passion. It gets frustrating at times because you need that encouragement every now and again. But, you learn to keep trekking forward.

I used to get upset when people didn’t click on that email, unsubscribed from my list, didn’t share a status, or didn’t come to my latest production. I mean, I had friends that knew me for years and hadn’t seen one thing I produced. I used to get really discouraged.

“How am I going to be a success if the very people in my circle don’t even support me?”

I soon learned that I was asking the wrong questions. My success isn’t based on them. It depends on me.

Many times I feel so unqualified for this thing. Writing.

“Am I really that good?”

“I’ll never make a living doing this.”

“What am I good at?”

“Why do I always feel stuck?”

I get caught in the cesspool of my mind and, yeah, what comes out is nothing but shit. Slowly, I’m learning how to not get stuck there. My mind can be my worst enemy if I let it.

(SN: as I sat and wrote this blog, two individuals in my church came up to me and asked me what I was doing. They asked about my writing, what’s next, etc. Then they said, “please let me know when it goes up because I’ll be there.” And I actually believe them. See how God gives you little nuggets exactly when you need it? I see you, Jesus.)

I say all of this to say that it won’t be easy. I will have my high days and my low ones. The ones where I feel a bit insignificant. And, that’s okay. As long as, in the end, I’m my biggest believer. If I have that, and let no one take that from me, I can keep moving forward even if I’m alone. Screw what everyone else think, says, or does. It’s my passion to carry, not theirs. I can’t let anyone stop me…not even me.

So, here’s to forgetting all the haters…even the ones inside.